hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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