Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
