You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
