Swine flu. Run for my life!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How does one acquire holy water?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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