who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
