Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
