Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
