i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
