i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
