so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
