I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
