I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just crazy horny about you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
