My brain says no but my pants say off.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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