I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
