You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
