My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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