my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
