The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
