Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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