I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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