I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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