doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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