Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
