Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
