the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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