Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
