you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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