I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
