i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
