dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
