my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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