just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
