I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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