last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
