It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
