He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
