i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
