she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
