I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
