Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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