There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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