His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's the barista slut.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
