Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
