My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
