tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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