I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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