I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
