yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
