Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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