On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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