so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
