I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
