how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
