How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
