Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
