It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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