My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
