And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
