I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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