I'm drive I can fine osifer
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
