I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
