I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
