just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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