I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
