we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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