We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
