It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
