he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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