Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
