it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My life is pants optional.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
