Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
