Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
