if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
