I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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