omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize