Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
