The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
