i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
