it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this boner is exhausting
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
