Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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