Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
