I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
