i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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