You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
