We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
