Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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