he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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