uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
