Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
