he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
