i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
