I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
