dude i'm inner monologue high
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
