she peed on how many people?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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