who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
