just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
