I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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