summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
